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PARENT REFERRAL

What to expect in neonatal care

The first time you enter the neonatal unit can be very scary. The sounds, the machines, the monitors and wires – it can all seem very surreal.

The neonatal unit – what to expect

Every neonatal ward is different, but all of them have open access to parents. And you’ll be encouraged to spend as much time as possible with your baby – day and night – although it’s important for you to get some rest too. Siblings are also welcome and encouraged to visit as much as possible, providing they are well.

 

You’ll be given an admission pack when you arrive at the unit. If you’re in one of the units we support, you’ll receive a Spoons welcome pack which contains some practical items and information about the unit and Spoons support.

 

Spoons is available to help you and your family navigate your neonatal journey.

What you need to know

It’s a good idea to familiarise yourself with your new surroundings, find the family sitting room, the place to store your belongings, breastfeeding rooms and canteen.

You’ll be expected to wash your hands and remove your outdoor coats before going into the rooms where babies are cared for. There are hand washing facilities in all the rooms and you’ll find sanitiser dispensers around the unit. Your hands can become quite sore from the harsh cleaning, so it’s worth investing in some good hand cream.

It’s also a good idea to ask about the practical things – like if there’s free parking at the hospital, and if so, how you get a permit.

It’s a lot to take in initially. If your baby is in neonatal intensive care, it’s likely there’ll be lots of wires, monitors and machines. Ask the nurse looking after your baby to explain what the different pieces of equipment do. You may not take it all in straight away, but you’ll soon become familiar with what everything does; and then it becomes a lot less scary.

You might also hear lots of terminology that you don’t understand. So it’s important to ask lots of questions – the doctors and nurses will be more than happy to explain anything you don’t understand. Remember, this is your baby and you’re a key member of the team caring for them.

Support for you and your family

If mums are well enough after the birth, they may be asked to express some breast milk, even if their baby has been born very prematurely. This can seem quite daunting, if not a little unnatural and undignified at first. The infant feeding team or midwives are there to support you with this.

 

Take as many photographs and videos as you can. It’s surprising how quickly you forget things. We also recommend you keep a diary to log your baby’s journey, as well as your thoughts and feelings. It can really help to look back on how far you’ve all come on your journey, especially if you’re having a bad day.

Parents’ thoughts and feelings on NICU

Always remember, however you feel when you first see your baby on the neonatal unit, it is completely normal. Each experience is different and how each mum and dad feels will be different too.

 

New mums on the unit often experience guilt when they first see their baby. They feel guilty that they couldn’t keep their little one in the womb for longer, and they may overplay every part of their pregnancy to find something that could’ve caused this. Many mums will grieve for their pregnancy, grieve for the birth they’d planned, and grieve for all the things new mums expect to do.

 

Your baby may be too unstable for you to cuddle them at first. This can be very tough and, as a result, it can feel hard to bond with your baby. Ask the nurses about positive touch and comfort holding. These are a good way for you and your baby to feel close to each other.

 

You may feel scared of getting too attached to your baby in case something terrible happens, and lots of parents on the unit can relate to this.

 

The team may encourage you to talk to your baby, as they’ll recognise and be comforted by your voice. This can feel a bit daunting at first, particularly with so much going on around you. Reading can be a gentle alternative – your baby will love hearing your voice, and it can help you feel more at ease too.

Support for dads

Dads often feel they must be the strong one – the one to care for the mum and be strong for their baby. They may feel like they have to carry on with normal life, when inside they’re falling apart.

 

A lot of the focus is on mum as she carried the baby, but we know how hard it is for dads too. We know how terrifying it is for a dad to watch his partner go through a very traumatic labour, sometimes not knowing what the outcome might be. It’s very hard to watch your baby being whisked away to the neonatal unit and there’s nothing you can do about it.

 

We understand the strength it takes in those moments to hold it together and tell your partner it’ll be OK. Some men say it helped to do the practical things like register the baby’s birth or sort out the parking permit. If it helps you cope, then do it.

 

Men typically don’t talk openly about their feelings, and we know this can often lead to mental health problems later down the line. As a man, you might find your friends and family don’t fully understand how you feel and you may feel uncomfortable opening up to them.

 

We know that dads who’ve talked to other dads about their experiences, thoughts and feelings find things easier. It really does help to talk. So talk to other dads on the unit and tap into any support that’s available. It’s OK not to be OK.

Every neonatal journey is different

Some parents can’t help but feel bitter when they see other families going home, especially when they have an older baby who is a long way from being discharged.

 

At the same time, those families who’ve only been on the unit a short time can feel they have no place to be upset. The phrase ‘I know there are much sicker babies than ours’ is all too common.

 

One day in neonatal care is one day too long – you’re entitled to feel angry, sad and frustrated, regardless of why your baby is on the unit or for how long.