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PARENT REFERRAL

Support for friends & family

It can be a struggle for friends and family of parents experiencing neonatal care. Watching someone you care about go through the trauma of neonatal care isn’t easy. You probably don’t know the right thing to say. But there isn’t really a right thing to say.

With the best will in the world, it’s impossible to understand what parents are going through unless you’ve experienced it yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t offer help and support to the baby’s parents. There are lots of things friends and family can do that will make a difference and help make the parents’ lives less stressful.

Cards and gifts

The chances are standard new baby cards and a sleep suit won’t be appropriate for these circumstances.

Some parents may want to be congratulated on the birth of their baby, whereas others may be offended by the very thought when their baby is so sick. There isn’t really a right or wrong answer for this; it depends on the individual.

Almost all parents will appreciate you buying them some practical things. A nice idea is to put a little hamper together for parents. Here are a few ideas:

  • Hand cream – an absolute necessity for hands that are washed hundreds of times a day.

  • Lip balm – lips can get sore and cracked in the hot neonatal environment.

  • Change – a bag of pound coins will be more useful than you can imagine.

  • Baby blanket – nearly all babies on the neonatal unit will spend time undressed initially, and sometimes for weeks after birth. This can be hard for parents who want their babies to have something of their own. A brightly coloured blanket that belongs to the baby can make all the difference.

  • Chocolate – it’s a necessity on the neonatal unit.

  • Vouchers – for the local coffee shop or restaurant. The cost of eating and drinking in hospital can add up.

  • A phone charger – a spare phone charger can be a lifeline. Check what phone they have first.

  • Food – We all need to eat. All too often, parents with a baby in neonatal care will put their own needs last and will forget to eat, or they’ll grab something convenient. Offer to cook meals that can be frozen and heated up in a microwave at the hospital. Do some shopping for them and drop off healthy snacks, drinks or treats. It might not seem much, but it’ll be really appreciated.

Giving parents time

Parents will probably need lots of space. Their lives have been turned upside down and it may be difficult for them to get through the day. As much as you might want to visit to show your support, please don’t be offended if they ask you not to.

The neonatal world is unpredictable. Parents sometimes feel in the way and can struggle to feel like parents to a very sick or premature baby who requires a lot of medical care. Sometimes they just want to wait around for an opportunity to do a nappy change, have some contact with their baby, or mum might need to express.

Having visitors can often complicate things. Let them know you’re around if they need you but reassure them that it’s on their terms. Maybe you could offer to help look after siblings or with lifts to and from the hospital instead.

Updates

It can be tempting to text or ring parents for an update every day or even several times a day. We know it’s because you care and you’re anxious about the baby. But sometimes parents literally don’t have the time to reply, they might not have a signal or they might not feel up to communicating with anyone outside their neonatal bubble.

 

Some days there’ll be nothing to update on, or parents might be having their own bad day. Please don’t be offended – it’s nothing personal. It’s just hard to focus on anything other than their baby.

 

Just let them know you’re thinking of them and give them some time.

Going home after NICU – advice for friends and family

We know as friends and family you’re excited about the baby coming home from hospital. We understand you’re desperate to see them all as a family and maybe get a sneaky cuddle with the baby.

 

Please understand that being discharged from neonatal care is daunting. Parents will need time to get into a routine with their baby. They’ll need to spend quality time as a family and possibly reflect on the journey they’ve been through.

 

They may be terrified of their baby picking up any bugs or infections and might want visitors to stay away for a while, especially if their baby has any complex issues or still requires some breathing support.

Visiting after NICU

If you do visit, please be mindful that the parents may set some ground rules. Even if you think they’re crazy ground rules, they really don’t need you to point that out or protest.

If the parents want you to wash and sanitise your hands when you enter their home, please do so. If they ask you to remove your coat at the door or turn you away because you have a sniffle, please respect that. They’re just trying to keep their baby safe and chances are this is advice passed on by healthcare professionals too.

 

Don’t turn up unannounced. Having a new baby is exhausting and parents may want to catch up on sleep. They may also have health professionals visiting, so it might not be a good time for other visitors. There will be plenty of time for cups of tea and cuddles, when parents feel ready.

 

Keep up to date with our events and find out how you can help families experiencing neonatal care on our Facebook page.