When I was finally discharged I was devastated. I had to leave my tiny baby behind miles away and return home to Manchester. I broke down in the car park and when I got home it didn’t feel like home. There were signs of pregnancy everywhere. The vitamins, stretch mark cream, Rennie’s in every room, packets of clothes and new born sized nappies that weren’t going to be used anytime soon.

I got back the next day and there she was as if I had never even left. And so life continued in that safe scary bubble. Until the next upheaval. Alyssa was transferred to North Manchester. We arrived at the hospital to see the transport ambulance taking her. And again it was as if nothing had happened! She took it all in her tiny stride! All our concerns about her taking a downturn thrown aside by a child who seemed to see nothing as a problem! Time went on and it seemed like forever to us but it wasn’t really, just a few short weeks. The focus was on weight gain, it was the only real enemy for us. Alyssa just didn’t gain as quickly as the doctors would like. There was talk of blood transfusion and fortifiers. It was scary to think that such interventions would be needed she had been doing so well!! And of course we had seen the babies who needed a higher level of care than she did.

Before we knew it we were staying in and the magic words were uttered.
Bring your car seat.

When we brought her home it was like a dream. And home felt like home once more and not just the place we slept. There were more fears when we got Alyssa home. I struggled a lot to adjust to being outside of the hospital where there was always someone on hand to answer my questions and I hadn’t really dealt with the situation. It was scary and I over thought a lot. But Alyssa? Well she just got on with it!! We finally had our baby and what an amazing little girl she was.

After all that who could blame me for saying no more! But Jace had his own ideas…. No drama there he was born at North Manchester at 41 weeks 7lb 8oz and he came home the same night. It was amazing to think he was the same size at birth as Alyssa was at nearly four months! They love each other and it is incredible watching their bond grow. Throughout my pregnancy Alyssa would pat my belly “baby Jace” and to this day that is what she still calls him.